I generally tolerate visitors on my island as long as they behave themselves. The following is a little how-to guide I’ve put together for you, dear reader, to help spot tourists in the off-season, just in case you would like to steer clear of this particular breed.
One of the easiest ways to spot a tourist has to be catching them purchasing clothes at the Red & White, which leads us directly to the second way of recognizing a tourist on our fair island – they call the Red & White the Harris Teeter. Technically this is correct, but it’s a pet peeve I feel is worth at least a mention. Speaking of the grocery store, tourists tend to lack a proper Harris Teeter discount card and can be seen using a Kroger card in its stead. I’m not 100% certain, but I believe Kroger to be a northern institution. I digress.
Tourists, with their lily-white skin, can be seen along the beach sporting bathing suits when it’s a mere 50 degrees, whilst toting their excessive amounts of beach gear, including but not limited to bocce, beach umbrella, sand tools, a giant Igloo cooler and enough snacks to feed a small municipality for a year.
In the category of beach etiquette or lack thereof from tourists, nary a one can ever be glimpsed filling in the large holes they dig in the sand. Our poor sea turtles pay the price for this oversight, which is clearly unacceptable behavior, even from a local.
Last but certainly not least on my list is the way tourists use our roadways. It’s as though basic traffic rules cease to exist when one enters a town beyond their place of permanent residence. Jaywalking, parking askew and riding bicycles down the middle of Palm Boulevard are among the offenses that make spotting tourists a favorite pastime for yours truly.
By Frank
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